Profiled by the Popo!

A year or so ago I took some time off of the job to take a road trip with my fiance to the mountains. We had a lovely time, but I had to head back to Daytona for work. We had packed up both our cars (we had to split off for 2 days for different family events.) and my girlfriend told me I should have shaved as I was starting to look like a wildman bumming it in a old tshirt and gym shorts. In my trunk I had safely packed away the vaporizer I had bought at a local shop there and had not used it yet. Before we left I raided the breakfast bar at the hotel we had stayed at and got a breakfast sandwich and assorted fruits. We stopped for gas and proceeded to make the long drive.

We got through North Carolina and most of South Carolina with slight inclement weather and rain. We were driving the speed limit and my girfriend was following behind me being cautious as the rain started to pickup. We were in the left lane at one point and were passing a slow van. We saw one of those emergency vehicle turn lanes that cross into the meadian where you can get to the otherside of the highway and 2 state troopers were sitting there side by side. I used my turn signal and got infront of the slow van when there was a good amount of space and my fiance followed behind like we have done the whole drive thusfar.

10-15 seconds after our lane change I saw the blue lights in my rearview mirror. I was confident they were just going to shoot past me and thought to myself how much it would suck to be pulled over in this weather. I looked up again and saw they were still in my lane and my girlfriend had started to slow down. Next thing I know is one trooper is behind me and the other is on my driver side. I pull over and look for my vehicle information. He walks up to my window and I roll down my window. He promptly instructs me to turn off my music. He asks me the usual where am I coming from and where am I going to. I asked him why he was pulling me over? He told me I did not use a turn signal and that is dangerous in this kind of weather. I nicely told him that I did indeed use my signal like usual. I also told him about my girlfriend on the trip and that she was following me. He asked me where she was now and I said I did not know. He gave me a puzzled look like I was making it all up! I give him my license and registration and he goes back to his car to get on his little computer and radio.

He makes me wait a good while and I sit there wondering where my girlfriend has drove off too. Probably the next rest area or exit. He finally comes back and tells me to turn my car off for a second and to step out. He pulls me out in the rain. And holds my license in his hand. I asked him am I good to go? He informed me he’d let me know in a second. Then he asked me the same questions again about where I am coming from and where I was going and why. He then again asked where my fiance was. I said I don’t know I had to pull over. He said why would she leave me here and why would we have two cars on the trip? He said “That don’t make a whole lot of sense to me. Does it to you?” I said “Of course.”

He then asked me more questions. He asked me “Do you have any type of anabolic steroids contained within the motor vehicle that you are in possession of?” I feel he asked me that because of my look and stated profession. I said “No sir.” He then asked me “Do you have any type of methamphetamines, crack cocaine, extacy, pharmaceuticals, or any other said paraphanelias within your ve-hi-cle?” I again said “No sir.” He then asked me “Do you on your person or within the car have any bazookas, machine guns, hand grenades, machetes, pellet guns or anything relative?” I said “No SIR!”

He asked me about methamphetamines and steroids a few different times. I guess with my facial hair clothes and build I looked like a roided out tweeker. He seemed annoyed with my responses and then informed me he was going to pat me down. I swear he said this. “I’m going to pat you down now and search for anything illegal. I’m not gay or a queer nothing funny now. I been married 15 years now and I don’t want to go through this but I’m going to frisk ya.” He patted me down touched my ass and fondled my junk and jiggled my testacles with his right hand on the side of the road as I got rained on with cars blazing past me at 85mph. Dissatisfied with his lack of findings he again asked me about my (seemingly fictious to him) girlfriend and where I was headed. Getting annoyed I answered him the same as before.

The officer then got close to my face and asked me if I would give him consent to search my vehicle. Knowing cops are like vampires and you never “invite” them in I immediately shut him down and said “NO I do not sir I would not.” I asked him if I was being ticketed or arrested and he said “Not at the moment you are being detained for an investigation.” I said that I had done nothing illegal. He told me that if I did not give him consent he was going to keep me here and summon a K-9 unit. He said “If that K9 unit hits on your vehicle and we find something in your car even a seed or stem, well we’re taking your ass to jail.” I told him I still did not give him consent to search my vehicle for no reason. He said “Boy you are giving me indicators that you got somethin to hide. Son, I’ve been married for 15 years and I know when I’m being lied to.” I again told him I did nothing and he had no right to search my car. He said “Boy you need to quit with your law & order TV lawyering it don’t work against me.” He made me stand by my car as he called for backup.

I stood there in the cold as the other trooper arrived with his german sheppard. He got out and strutted around for a minute before he got his dog out. The two troopers chatted for a bit and then the K-9 trooper walked around my car with his dog very slowly. He walked all the way around my car several times with the dog and the dog became bored. The cop stood there and said somethings to the dog. The dog didn’t do anything. He then took the dog to the driver side of my car as i stood on the opposite side of my car in the grass. It looked like he pulled up on the leash or something because the dog jumped up and scratched at my door. He then took the dog and walked over to the other officer and they chatted for a minute. They then told me the dog hit on my car and they now could search it. BULLSHIT!!

I stood there as they tore up my and went through all my luggage and trunk and everything. They put everything back in my car. The k9 officer went back and stood by his car. The original real country trooper came back and had a green box in his hand. It was the vaporizer. He said “I’m only gone ask you just one time. And one time only. What is this device here used for?” I hesitated… “Sir that device is for consuming marijuana of the medical nature.” He looked at me sternly and said “Just as I suspected. Son, if you were to have lied to me just now as to what this used for, I was gonna take ya to JAIL!!” I told him thanks. He then wrote me a citation as a warning to use my turn signal. He told me turtle wax will get the scratches out that the dog left on my door. Wanting to leave I did not argue this.

He finally got back in his car and allowed me to leave. They tossed everything around in my car and the food was all gone from the hotel. The fuckin dog ate my breakfast. And scratched up my door. And stunk up my car. And I got molested by a good ole’ country state trooper. The whole thing took almost 2 hours. He kept asking me the same questions over this whole time like he’d break me. They pulled me over for no reason and ransacked my car and held me up as I stood in the rain. Fuck all that!! Now I see how easy it is to get a negative stigma about law enforcement. I would steer clear of that state at all costs. I was just a citizen driving bro..

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