Segway Bully

I was walking on the sidewalk with my headphones minding my own business. Listening to some jams as I was mentally preparing for my run in the hot sun. Walking along the outside of my neighborhood I could hear traffic whizzing by on my left. To my right was a nice big fish pond. I heard a faint alarm type beep. Ignoring it I heard it a few more times. I look around and don’t see anything abnormal. Thinking it might be a timer for a sprinkler system or something I focus on my music. I heard it again this time much louder. I pop off one of my headphones and again I hear it very loudly.

I quickly turn around and see man in his late 60’s early 70’s wearing a golf hat and sunglasses standing about 7 feet tall on a segway. He looked very angry at me. I backed up and he motored closer to me still looking pissed. I backed to the side and he zipped past me with an electric hum. What a dickhead! It’s not like it is a wheelchair what gives him sidwalk right of way? He almost knocked me into a bush.

Later on after my run I was driving to the gas station and I saw his ass humming around on the sidewalk carrying grocery bags. I briefly contemplated vehicular manslaughter. Ain’t nobody got time for that, I continued on to my destination.

– Skip Feldman

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